It’s been an event filled week.
Not really the week I expected, actually.
I found myself in the process of making quick decisions with real world consequences.
I kept coming back to something I recently read on Seth Godin’s blog:
“based on new information, I’ve made a new decision.”
I’m the kind of gal who can easily get stuck in doing things right.
I’ve chased my tail on the “good/bad” “right/wrong” pathway in marathon training style.
It’s actually only been in the last few years that I’ve considered how stuck I am when I look at life through the lens of “good/bad”.
I think rules about “good/bad” (most of those made up in my own head) really provided some emotional structure for me for many years.
Although I’ve spent a lot of time in therapy and spiritual practice, the consequences of living in “good/bad” really gelled in my yoga movement practice over the past few years.
And in working with others in their yoga movement practices.
I’ve listened to the ongoing conversation of the committee in my head debating whether the way I’m doing a certain pose, making a certain shape, or going about moving my body is “right”, “safe”, “good” or the opposite of those things.
I’ve listened to clients and students ask whether what they are doing is “right”. Super hard question to answer because we are each so individual in the way our body and mind respond to something as simple as walking, squatting, or triangle pose and that response changes day to day.
For me, the consequence of living in the “good/bad” is a bit like a jail cell… there’s only one door that opens and closes and I’m often locked behind that door. My choices are severely limited.
When I read Seth Godin’s words “based on new information, I’ve made a new decision” it was a BFO (Bright Flash of the Obvious”).
Oh, it’s simply a new decision based on new information.
The emotional charge is eliminated.
It’s not right.
It’s not wrong.
It’s not bad.
It’s not good.
And…. it’s not cemented in some rule, usually one I’ve created in my mind, that I must abide by.
If I can change the narrative and begin to see things simply as making decisions based on the information I have right now, it opens up my world.
Jail cell door opens.
It allows me to suffer less and choose joy more often.
It can be as simple as…
Here’s the new information I have for today – It’s going to be in the 20’s on Mt. Bachelor with sporadic wind gusts up to 65mph and new snow covering icy conditions.
Using the “good/bad” paradigm…
“I bought this ski pass and I am a bad wasteful person if I don’t use it everyday as planned.”
Using “based on new information I’ve made a new decision way of thinking”…
“Conditions sound pretty harsh and potentially dangerous today for downhill skiing, I think I’ll choose another outdoor activity ”
OR
Here’s the new information I have for today – my hamstring feels really overworked/tight and my hip joint has been giving me some pain signals.
Using the “good/bad” paradigm…
“I should always do triangle pose with my front leg straight and my hand behind my ankle because that is the right way to do it”
Using “based on new information I’ve made a new decision” way of thinking…
“Today I’m going to allow for constant movement in triangle by bending and gently straightening my knee and allowing my hand to be placed wherever it best serves me or I’m going to skip triangle and do something else.”
Listen, I recognize that these two scenarios hold very little earth shattering consequences.
Go to the mountain and ski in fairly harsh conditions or don’t.
Do triangle as a more classical posture or explore another way of practicing it.
The thing is…. this is where I tend to get stuck.
If I get stuck in beating the crap out of myself about whether I am doing it right, making a good decision, or whatever, I will suffer. I will limit the opportunity to choose joy in my life.
Everyday we get new information and we get to make decisions. They don’t need to be right or wrong.
Can they just be new decisions based on the constantly changing new information we get?
That way of practicing decision making takes the charge out of whether we are right or wrong.
That’s what I have for you this morning… for me, a reminder to be more gentle and compassionate with myself, to suffer less, and to choose joy as often as I can.
